Sunday, January 10, 2010
For a super quick and ridiculously yummy treat, try this recipe out!
2 cups sugar
2 cups oatmeal
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
4 teaspoons cocoa
Put sugar, butter, milk and cocoa into a saucepan and bring all ingredients to a boil for 2 1/2 minutes.
After removing saucepan from stove, add peanut butter and oats to the rest of the ingredients.
Mix by hand for about one minute.
Now have enough wax paper to place 18-24 cookies.
Spoon mixture onto wax paper.
Place cookies in refrigerator for about 1 hour before serving.
Keep chilled and enjoy - they are SO freaking good!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
So I am having this random thought right now... is there something you would like me to write about? Is there something you're curious about regarding my life, etc.? A topic you think would be interesting for me to babble about... If there is then send me an email and I will update to this post. I will keep you anonymous if you wish or post your name, completely up to you. Send any questions for this girl that you might have to my email at firstname.lastname@example.org
Well... it has been quite some time since my last post. Here I am compelled to write something but I'm not sure what. 2009 was a year that I am sure to remember. This past year I have moved twice which sucks... I don't care who you are or how much stuff you have - moving is a pain. I fell hopelessly in 'lust' with a man I was ready to marry... yes, I said lust... not love... and for a woman that has always kept her distance from marriage I almost made one of the biggest/pain in the butt mistakes of my life, so thank you fate from making such a drastic mistake. I'll tell ya it's an odd feeling to have convinced yourself you're in love with someone and then realizing the truth - hard one to swallow actually. I was wrong, and I hate being wrong. Also this year I lost my job, laid off like so many others. I was laid off on my birthday - March 9th if you're sending presents lol. So this whole year I've been unemployed - a very unusual thing for me. I've learned a lot about myself this year... I've always been pretty secure in who I am, and always thought I knew what I wanted - come to find out I am better adept at knowing what others want, not myself. I am currently working on that - it's a nice feeling making yourself happy instead of everyone else. It's who I am, a people pleaser... I love that part of me, now just to extend it to myself. I believe this year will be one of self discovery and improving my life, all aspects of it.
Thank you to all those who support me, and who have kept reminding me that I need to get back to writing here... somehow people seem interested in me... I should start embracing that
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I just had to share the following... so many of the things shes says are true. We only get one shot, and we should make the best of that one go around!
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of Cleveland Ohio.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
- Life isn't fair, but it's still good
- When in doubt, just take the next small step.
- Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
- Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
- Pay off your credit cards every month.
- You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
- Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
- It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
- Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
- When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
- Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
- It's OK to let your children see you cry.
- Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
- If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
- Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
- Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
- Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
- Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
- It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
- When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
- Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
- Over prepare, then go with the flow.
- Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
- The most important sex organ is the brain.
- No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
- Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
- Always choose life.
- Forgive everyone everything.
- What other people think of you is none of your business.
- Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
- However good or bad a situation, it will change.
- Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
- Believe in miracles.
- God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
- Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
- Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
- Your children get only one childhood.
- All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
- Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
- If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
- Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
- The best is yet to come.
- No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
- Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
Try to take a least a couple of these to heart, I know I did.
Ok, so this is just a super short post to mark the day someone (@LStacey) took time out of their day to make me this drawing for Twitter. I had posted a comment that I was thinking of changing my avatar and soon after got a DM directing me to this picture. I just think it was incredibly sweet of him to make this for me. It's the little things that can brighten someones day so much. So thank you @LStacey!!! I love it!!!
Monday, May 4, 2009
So I'm getting ready to move... again. I've moved far too much in my life. Hopefully sooner than later I will find where I 'belong' in this world. My little place if you will. Granted the new place will be nice. My bedroom is much larger than the one I have here. Two major plusses is this - I walk out one door and there is the pool... I step into the other part of my bedroom and hello hot tub room! My daughters room will also be far larger than the one she has here.... it's actually two rooms for her, so she should be quite happy. In the past couple months it seems life as I had known it slowly disintegrated before my eyes. I lost my job, my car 'exploded', I lost my guy, I lost my home... definitely a case of 'enough is enough'. So onto the next chapter I move with my little girl. I don't know what the future will hold but I'm hopeful it holds all the happiness I've been searching for. Who knows? Just another adventure... wish me luck!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I have come to realize just how much I push people away in my life. Maybe push is the wrong word but I'm not sure how else to describe it. I let very few people stay in my life. Some people have friends from high school, I don't. Not because I didn't have friends then, but for some reason I just drift away from people. I make no effort whatsoever to keep friendships alive. Why do I do this? Well, I have no clue. Relationship wise I'm a long term girl, always have been. 3 years, 8 years, and then 3 and a half years. Though... I am not even slightly friends with any of those people. Thing is, I don't care. Best friends from the past who I used to share everything with... poof. Somehow I drift away from them and although I may think of them often... I have no inclination whatsoever to seek them out and talk to them, go for coffee... whatever. Once you're out of my life, you're just out. When you are in my life, I dedicate a ridiculous amount of myself to people... but once gone it's just done. I think it's funny I've done this my entire life without even realizing it. Right now, in this transition I am in, everyone has been pushed out except my father and my daughter. Even my relationship with my dad is crap. We talk about once a week... we are the only family either one of us has. We live under an hour apart and we barely visit. Anyway, I dunno... was just sitting here this afternoon thinking about all the people here that I have known for three and a half years, and that after I move (which should be any day now) I will more than likely see none of them ever again. It's an odd sensation. Cheers to moving on and seeing what the next chapter in life holds...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Events of the past month have turned my brain into a black hole of fears, loves, hates, passions, thoughts racing through of every kind. Good and bad. Confusing and simple. Wait... that right there is my problem... my inability to simplify things. At times in my life I seem to take a single event or action and run it over in my mind. Thinking of the actual outcome and all the zillions of possible outcomes. My mind can over analyze anything... anything at all. The way my mind works is sometimes a wonderful thing, at other times I wish I could just shut it off completely (I've tried, nothing works? Advice?)
Anyway... here I am at the end of the month with simply no answers to any of the life changing decisions that I must make - I'm only left with more questions. These are decisions that will effect my life, my daughters life. I feel like I'm in the most tense game of chess and there is a roomful of silent people just staring at me waiting to make my move.
I ponder whether I should go into specifics of what is going on in my life. Not sure if the world needs to know that much about my personal affairs at this time. I don't know, maybe I will share some of it at some point but only time will tell. All I know is that I need to make some very important decisions and though I don't want to rush the choice I make; I need to make these decision soon and final.
That is all for now, just a quick brain blurb.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Just a quick note as I feel a little weird leaving my blog how I did. Though the 'mindfuck' is still in progress things are looking up... or I'm feeling a tad better anyhow. When so much 'shit' gets dumped on you all at once some times it is just too much. I know that all will work out well and that I should be appreciating life itself and not worrying so much about all the little crap that comes with it. I'm thankful for all I have. This weekend should be a fun one, going to see my dad on Easter with my little one. I haven't seen him in a while so it will be nice to 'catch up'.
Thank you for all the well wishes and I hope to all that are reading this have a wonderful Easter Weekend.
Monday, April 6, 2009
...and it is how one deals with life's mindfucks that make us who we are. This past month has been extremely difficult for me in so many ways. A lot of the joys in my life have reached a point where they might come to an end. The only thing in my life that I know is going nowhere is my daughter - and for that blessing I am eternally grateful. The old saying "When it rains it pours" is something that is quite perfectly describes my life as of late. Losing my job, my daughter being ill, being robbed of money, having my heart and emotions toyed with, the possibility of soon having to find a place to live with little to no savings to speak of and no income coming in because of the loss of my job. My life just a month ago seemed perfect in so many ways. Happiness filled my days and nights, every single day and night. Lately, not so much. My mind has been consumed with what ifs, and hows and whys. I know that when life changes it just opens up new doors I/you/anyone never realized were there. But at this particular moment, at the time when I am actually going through everything... the end seems light years away. I am hopeful that everything will turn out fine, and I'm sure it will... just right now I'm not my silly self. I more often than not deal with things on my own. Sure, there are times when another person is good to 'lean' on, but in severe moments of troubles for whatever reason I seem to keep to myself and try to figure things out on my own without input from others as I feel it may sway how I actually feel, or what I should actually do. I have taken so many paths in life that I feel were the wrong ones. There are few out there who have had their life turn out the way they thought it would, and I am certainly one of those people. I just crave so much to live a simple life, a loving life, a life in which I am able to enjoy the world around me while I am still healthy and able. My mind has been such a jumble lately that I'm sure even most of these words I am typing now don't make much sense. This blog started off as something silly and fun, but there are sad moments even for the most silly. I feel every emotion so deeply, devote so much of myself to others and their happiness that sometimes in doing that I forgo my own happiness. Oh, at this point at times I just feel down right hopeless. It has been a very long time since I have felt this low. This lowness coming from a place where I have just seemingly 'lost control' of everything that was going so well. I keep thinking and thinking and trying to rationalize in some way all of the things that have happened in this past 30 days. Trying somehow to make things right but without actually doing anything, just thinking. When I get to a place like this I go back to thoughts of the past hurts I have had in my life and how I dealt with those. The time when all of my possessions were lost in a fire, all the car accidents I have been in, the time I was raped by two men, the time I went through when my mother was sick, the day I got the call that she had died, the day I saw my brother right after he had shot himself, the years of beatings and emotional abuse I went through at the hands/mouth of another man. Being at a place like this in my life right now brings all those emotions and feelings and moments rushing back like they are happening all over again. Bringing back all those feelings and compounding them with what I am going through right now is beyond tough. I know that there are others out there with problems far worse then mine, but for right now... this is my pain, this is my anguish, and I somehow, and someway quick need to find a way to work through all of this and get back to my silly self. If not for me, then for my daughter. It is my time to be truly happy, I just wish I had the answer on the how. Right now I am trying to find my happiness. This isn't an easy time in my life, but I hope that this time, whatever path I choose... I choose correctly. My sense of direction has always sucked... I'm hoping, beyond hope that if just this one time I go the 'right' way. To a place where I can find happiness not only for myself, but for my daughter.