Push

I have come to realize just how much I push people away in my life. Maybe push is the wrong word but I'm not sure how else to describe it. I let very few people stay in my life. Some people have friends from high school, I don't. Not because I didn't have friends then, but for some reason I just drift away from people. I make no effort whatsoever to keep friendships alive. Why do I do this? Well, I have no clue. Relationship wise I'm a long term girl, always have been. 3 years, 8 years, and then 3 and a half years. Though... I am not even slightly friends with any of those people. Thing is, I don't care. Best friends from the past who I used to share everything with... poof. Somehow I drift away from them and although I may think of them often... I have no inclination whatsoever to seek them out and talk to them, go for coffee... whatever. Once you're out of my life, you're just out. When you are in my life, I dedicate a ridiculous amount of myself to people... but once gone it's just done. I think it's funny I've done this my entire life without even realizing it. Right now, in this transition I am in, everyone has been pushed out except my father and my daughter. Even my relationship with my dad is crap. We talk about once a week... we are the only family either one of us has. We live under an hour apart and we barely visit. Anyway, I dunno... was just sitting here this afternoon thinking about all the people here that I have known for three and a half years, and that after I move (which should be any day now) I will more than likely see none of them ever again. It's an odd sensation. Cheers to moving on and seeing what the next chapter in life holds...

xoxo ~Silly