Monday, February 9, 2009

Last words...

Not sure why but I feel compelled to write about my mom. She passed away more than 5 years ago on June 28th... 5 days before her birthday... 1 month before her 30th wedding anniversary... 25 days before her mother passed away... and 25 days after my daughter was born. A lot of us say that we had/have 'the best' mom... well, mine was no different. I loved my mother more than you can imagine, we were the best of friends in so many ways. She was one of the only people I had ever met that didn't curse, that treated everyone completely equal no matter what their circumstance. It was because of her and the way she raised me, that I am the person I am today. Not a day goes by, not one... that I don't 'talk' to my mom, that I don't tell her that I love her. Her life ended much too quickly by comparison... she was only 48. Anyway, I won't get into details right now, but she was very ill for about 3 years before her death. We knew she was going to pass, we just didn't know when. She knew her time was limited... over those three years she went through many surgeries, hospital stays, the works. Well, as I mentioned before she passed 25 days after my daughter was born. When I gave birth I was living in Massachusetts, my mom was in New Hampshire, so she could not be there due to her illness. She hated that she couldn't be there. For as long as I could remember all she wanted was to be a Grammie, she never met her granddaughter... only heard her 'squeaks' over the phone, and soon nicknamed my daughter "Squeaker". We talked on the phone every day after I gave birth. Well, 2 days before she passed my mom called in the afternoon, it was a very brief conversation. This is basically all that was said, and I will NEVER forget these words.... "Susan, I love you, I'm proud of you, and you'll be a great mom". Just typing those words I tear up. I remember when she said it, it seemed odd... mom just didn't say things like that randomly. I know I talked to her again the next day, but don't remember a word, those are the last words I ever remember coming from my mom. I cherish that memory, those words. Some things in this life are priceless, and that moment, that memory, well... it has helped me get through a lot. She knew, somehow, that it was her time. I will always miss my mom, and though it has been years now, the pain of losing her has not gone away, it has just.... changed. For those of you that have lost someone special in your life, you know what I mean. Today as always, I shall repeat those words, at least once, look at her picture, at least once, and tell my mom I love her... at least once.

I love you - I'm proud of you - and you'll be a great mom


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